Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Have you visited The Libertine Wife?

As a rule, I'm not a big fan of blogs....however, there are a few that are well-written and insightful.

One of my personal favourites is The Libertine Wife at www.thelibertinewife.com

I did not write the following, but rather found it at the above site and was so impressed I wanted to put it down here. It really is worth posting because I felt like this woman was writing MY thoughts....


the jealousy

January 16th, 2006 at 11:16 am (The Logistics)

It’s the first thing that people seem to want to know, about the logistics of my open marriage. How do I handle it? How does it not eat me alive to think of my husband being with another woman?

I squirm over the true answer, and I sometimes consider lying. I feel like I’m expected to say, “Oh! Are you kidding me? It’s terrible, it’s the worst, the hardest part, I can’t even bear to think of him with someone else, it only works when I don’t have to see it,”

something that will reassure the asker that, yes, I am just like you. You and me, we’d feel the exact same way, and your jealousy would be normal.

But that’s not the truth at all. The truth is so simple that I’m suspicious of it sometimes myself.

I don’t get jealous of the other women that Jack is with. When I see him kiss another girl, or whisper in the ear of the wife at the table that isn’t me, or when I know that he’s somewhere else, away from me, naked with someone that isn’t me,

I feel happy for him. I love that he gets to experience that thrill and flush and pleasure. I like it that the one thing I can’t be for him (a different sexual experience than what I am), I can at least give to him via my blessing and permission.

More than my husband, he’s also my best friend, and why would I want to stop my best friend from enjoying and experiencing what life has to offer?

Sometimes I sense a smug judgment flashing through the cognizance of the other person, when I tell the truth. She thinks (and it’s always a “she”), Well, it’s apparent that you just don’t love your husband as much as I love mine since you would freely let him go off and be with another woman. How sad for you.

I don’t ever try to set anyone straight. I believe that the truth is far too scary for most people to process — that actually, I love my husband so very much that I can put aside my own selfish instinct to possess and control, and let him continue to grow and develop as a human being without having to own his every cell and fiber.

I also suspect that most women, when confronted with the idea of an open marriage, have to admit deep down that there are self-esteem issues relating to that jealousy. “If I let him go sleep with another woman, he might fall in love with her and leave me.”

Remember that confidence bordering on conceit that I mentioned? Sorry, here it comes:

My husband will never leave me for another woman. There’s no reason to: there isn’t anyone out there that could be a better partner for him than me.

The reason our open marriage works is that we don’t have to cling to one another out of a panicky fear that the other is just about to make a break for it. The freedom to go off and explore is the very reason we always want to come home.


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