Monday, December 04, 2006

and now, the truth

I want more than I'm entitled to.

I know.

I am a greedy, selfish little person.

I hate that, but it's true.

I want unlimited pleasure and decadence.

I want it when I want it.

and I don't want to wait.

I don't want to be told "no."

I don't want to work around anyone else.

I want my selfish desires....all of be met at my request.

To be met simply because it is what I want.

However, this is more than I'm entitled to.

I am painfully aware of this.

I don't have the right to demand anything really.

I can politely request............

and then wait

with patience

and hope.

I know I should feel fortunate for what I do have.

for what I do receive.

Grateful really.

And yet....the more I have....well....the more I want.

Again, purely selfish, I know.

But this is the honest, raw part of my emotions....

....however unpretty.

coming from the part that fuels my passions

the part that drives me....

I want to rationalize these emotions away.....

be a bigger person

I want to tell myself to rise above the purely animal instincts that threaten to rule me.

But if I do.....what am I left with?

A shell? A hollow empty unfulfilled passionless woman......

The woman I used to be.

I think I'll have to settle.

Settle for longing

for lust

Settle for being that animal

because I don't want to go back


in a daze

a trance

into the void I so recently freed myself from.

And so.....I will do as you suggest.....


"Be a good animal, true to your animal instincts."


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