a process

**I'm not sure if this is complete, it seems scattered still...I'm working through it in my mind, putting it into some semblance of order

standing
solid
in crisp white cotton panties

it begins
with you on your knees
my hair falls across your face
as I lean forward
no no no

not yet
as you try to force it
too soon
I can't
I can't let it go

your fingers insistent
your forehead presses hard into my weakest place

I do want this
yet I resist

I can't

I'm too....awake
I'm too....here
I need to be lost....in you

undaunted
you change tactics
this will happen

violent penetration in your hall
it aches
nearly painful
white panties pulled to one side
as you fuck my cunt

blindfolded
again
it weakens me
you know this

you move me

ensconced in white porcelain and tile

stay

and then the water runs
but doesn't touch me
I only hear it

other parts
that have worked in the past
to detach me from myself
it's blurred now
what happened first
what next
I don't know

kneeling
taking you deep and whole
you're rough today
your hands
your thrusts
this breaks me too
surrendering to your lust

too hard
slightly too long
and the push
of wet and heat
pulsing over you
and a gasp
and then again

I hear your pleasure
and I want to do more
go farther
beyond previous boundaries

but there is something you want from me
I don't know why it is
so difficult
to comply

it will happen
my mind fights
why
do you want to degrade me?
why
but it's only your way of freeing me
allowing me permission to be
raw
and honest

and in my darkness
of mind
....it works
and I am free

your pleasure
intensifies my own

broken
finally
and yet more whole now than
when I was
solid
standing