Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Watch me ride.....

I crave you like a drug
I need you in my system
I have an urgent desire for the sting of your hand on my ass
for the tug of your fingers twisted in my hair
I want the electricity we generate when we're together
the energy builds
it feeds us both
You're like a starving man
You devour my flesh
you eat me, you ravage me
I'm helpless to stop you
I'm caught up in the current of lust that you create in me
All I want is more

An excerpt from a great book

Here's an interesting except from a book I'm reading called The New Intimacy:

I didn't plan on having an open-ended marriage. It simply began to develop that way when I discovered my husband loves other women besides me; that he's not monogamous in a traditional way. This realization freed me from the obscenity of possessiveness. Some of my extra-marital relationships have been fruitful to me and I'm less naively open with others, but no less free. I do wonder about the future--there's a measure of risk and uncertainty in the way we've now chose, but I'm learning not to be afraid to be a person, a woman with worthwhile contributions to make to human society. As a matter of fact, there's a continual excitement about our marital relationship and mutual growing--anything else would be emotional death for us.

We are not advocating an end to marriage or to the family, nor are we claiming that marriage is without great worth. On the contrary, a healthy marriage is the source of immense joy and fulfillment when it provides a context for human growth, strength, and freedom; when it sustains separateness as well as mutuality; uniqueness and privacy as well as community and sharing.

Marriage requires more than romantic love and good sex, as delightful and important as they are. It requires self-actualizing persons who have direction and purpose in life, who can function creatively under the tension between commitment and freedom.

Traditional monogamy however, no longer provides for mutual self-realization. We consider traditional monogamy, with it's rigid requirement for exclusive devotion and affection, even though hallowed by the theological concept of fidelity, to be culturally approved mass neurosis.....What we emphatically reject, however, is our society's sanction of this marital model as normative and supreme. We believe all civic and constitutional rights should be extended to personal lifestyles. We prefer a model of monogamy which celebrates co-marital intimacy and does not equate fidelity with sexual exclusiveness. For too long, traditional moralists have been passively allowed to pre-empt other conscientious lifestyles by propagating the unproven assumptions that we cannot love more than one person (of the opposite sex) concurrently; and that co-marital or extramarital sex always destroys marriage; that "good" marriages are totally self contained and self-restrictive and sufficient; that only emotionally unstable people seek and need intimate relationships outside the husband-wife bond. We repudiate thse assumptions and consider them half-truths at best. When these assumptions are dogmatically upheld by society as eternal truths we consider the phenomenon to be a cultural neurosis in the sense that the issue is predetermined, all non-conformists are castigated, and there is no openness to new experience in new contexts.

Within [open ended marriages] the possibility of adultery is totally absent because exclusion, possessiveness, and jealousy have no place in the relationship. "Adultery" is a theological judgement which can apply only to the restrictive type of convenant. When one partner breaks the vow of "to thee only do I promise to keep myself," a relationship of trust is broken and he or she is unfaithful But it's also possible to create a model of marriage--a covenant--monogamous in the sense that it's based upon an intended lifetime committement between two, but which nevertheless is open-ended because it does not exclude the freedom to have any number of intimate relationships with others.

The open-ended marriage is certainly monogamous--a primary one to one relationship based on mutual commitment and intended to last a lifetime. In this sense it's quite conventional.

What a new model of open-ended marriage seeks to promote is risk-taking in trust; the warmth of loving without anxiety; the extension of affection; the excitement and pleasure of knowing sensuously a variety of other persons; the enrichment which personalities can contribute to one another; the joy of being fully alive in every encounter.

****our journey has more to it than just sexual boredom between two monogamous partners.....we aren't merely looking for is a quick fuck with a stranger. I think we have unlimited capacity to love other people and shouldn't have to feel restricted in who we choose to love, provided our partner (our PRIMARY partner) is in agreement. I don't want to have sex with strangers, but with those I have some connection with. I'm not overly concerned about falling in love with someone, because I know how to separate sex and love. Besides, I don't think that all feelings of love and intimacy automatically develop into thoughts of marriage and threaten your primary relationship.

Have you visited The Libertine Wife?

As a rule, I'm not a big fan of blogs....however, there are a few that are well-written and insightful.

One of my personal favourites is The Libertine Wife at www.thelibertinewife.com

I did not write the following, but rather found it at the above site and was so impressed I wanted to put it down here. It really is worth posting because I felt like this woman was writing MY thoughts....


the jealousy

January 16th, 2006 at 11:16 am (The Logistics)

It’s the first thing that people seem to want to know, about the logistics of my open marriage. How do I handle it? How does it not eat me alive to think of my husband being with another woman?

I squirm over the true answer, and I sometimes consider lying. I feel like I’m expected to say, “Oh! Are you kidding me? It’s terrible, it’s the worst, the hardest part, I can’t even bear to think of him with someone else, it only works when I don’t have to see it,”

something that will reassure the asker that, yes, I am just like you. You and me, we’d feel the exact same way, and your jealousy would be normal.

But that’s not the truth at all. The truth is so simple that I’m suspicious of it sometimes myself.

I don’t get jealous of the other women that Jack is with. When I see him kiss another girl, or whisper in the ear of the wife at the table that isn’t me, or when I know that he’s somewhere else, away from me, naked with someone that isn’t me,

I feel happy for him. I love that he gets to experience that thrill and flush and pleasure. I like it that the one thing I can’t be for him (a different sexual experience than what I am), I can at least give to him via my blessing and permission.

More than my husband, he’s also my best friend, and why would I want to stop my best friend from enjoying and experiencing what life has to offer?

Sometimes I sense a smug judgment flashing through the cognizance of the other person, when I tell the truth. She thinks (and it’s always a “she”), Well, it’s apparent that you just don’t love your husband as much as I love mine since you would freely let him go off and be with another woman. How sad for you.

I don’t ever try to set anyone straight. I believe that the truth is far too scary for most people to process — that actually, I love my husband so very much that I can put aside my own selfish instinct to possess and control, and let him continue to grow and develop as a human being without having to own his every cell and fiber.

I also suspect that most women, when confronted with the idea of an open marriage, have to admit deep down that there are self-esteem issues relating to that jealousy. “If I let him go sleep with another woman, he might fall in love with her and leave me.”

Remember that confidence bordering on conceit that I mentioned? Sorry, here it comes:

My husband will never leave me for another woman. There’s no reason to: there isn’t anyone out there that could be a better partner for him than me.

The reason our open marriage works is that we don’t have to cling to one another out of a panicky fear that the other is just about to make a break for it. The freedom to go off and explore is the very reason we always want to come home.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Are you hungry?

take a bite
let the juice drip from your lips
run down your chin
let me lick the drops
savour the taste
yours to pick

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I want to play with you today

If I slowly unzip your pants....
Slide my hand inside the open waist...
Feel your cock pulse and throb underneath my fingers....
Slowly stroke your solid shaft....
Will you close your eyes and melt underneath my hand?
If I slide down your body.....
Running my hands down your stomach and thighs...
Kneeling in front of you....
Taking your hard cock in my hand....
Looking up at you with my inquiring eyes....
Can I slowly slide you into my wet, eager mouth?

Will you whisper a question?
The question you always ask me: "how quiet can you be?"
If so, I would whisper back....."You know full well that I can be very,
very quiet when my mouth is full with your cock. The real question is....how quiet can YOU be?"

I can be quiet if your cock is filling up my mouth. If I have you in there....licking and sucking you off....as you smile down at me and run your fingers through my hair.

If I start by taking as much of your hard shaft into my warm, wet mouth as I can manage....would you like that baby?
If I gently tug on the head.....slight, but strong suction.....
If I stop, and I lick you in that spot you like....that place right beside your balls....where your sac meets your leg.....right in the crease?
I'll lick you in long, hard laps....
I'll smell the musky scent of your skin.......
I know it makes you weak in the knees....
And then I'll start to suck...hard....right in that spot....
and see if I can make your knees buckle.....

You tell me that if your knees buckled...that your cock would slip out of my mouth....you tell me that would be a tragedy....but "I'd live, my god would I live"....you tell me I can suck you "everywhere...anywhere...anytime... but I can't promise I'd keep quiet"

Well I wouldn't want you to fall and I wouldn't want you to be too loud....hmmmmm....what to do....
I think it would be best to lean you up against something....your bare ass against the cold, hard wall....
Then I could run my hands up and down your thighs....stroke your stomach....
I could hold onto your cock with one hand, while I take you in my mouth....
I can hold your cock with one hand, stroke your stomach with the other hand, and run my tongue along the ridge--that firm ridge--right on the head of your cock....
Alternating, licking this ridge and gently sucking the head....just the way you like it.....

You ask me if I happen to be thinking of any wall in particular?
"Just say where and when baby. I'll be there. And I'd like it fine...just fine...better than fine...fuckin' fine"

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Half Nekked Thursday

Happy Half Nekked Thursday

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Can I submit?

I'm on a personal journey. I don't know how long it will last. I'm on a journey of self discovery. I want to learn about me and learn what makes me tick. I've always been introspective, but I've lived a life of unexamined sexuality.

I often wonder if I have what it takes to be a sub. I am not a submissive woman by nature. Far from it. Throughout my life, I've learned to be strong and in control. It's been a necessity. For me, submissive women are an embarassment to our gender. Submissive behaviour is weak and unnecessary. For me, submission is quitting. I don't quit.

However, I wonder.....what would it be like to be sexually submissive? Would I like it? I mean, wouldn't it be nice to be able to feel safe and to let my proverbial 'hair' down.....to just let someone else make the decisions? Just for a little while? To not have to think....just to "feel"? I find it hard to imagine.

How can I submit? How can I allow myself quit? To give up?

I've found myself in a position recently....with a strong lover....where my control has been challenged. My first instinct....fight it. Stay in control. Don't let him "win."

Where does this come from? How has my life conditioned me to not allow any other living soul to have even one ounce of control over me? Why do I feel that being in control is the only way to "win" and be successful?

I don't know what it feels like, so I want to know what it feels like to lose to control or perhaps it's more accurate to say that I want to know what it feels like to have that control taken from me. But I am so afraid of that. I am so afraid to give up something that is so much a part of me. My control...well, it's my strength. It's in the core of my being. How do I give that away? How can I give that up?

I know I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid that something terrible might happen to me while I am completely vulnerable. I'm afraid that I'll regret the situation I find myself in.

I don't want to be tied up so tightly, that I couldn't escape if I really felt I needed to. I don't want to be gagged. That terrifies me. Then I can't scream. I guess I'm afraid that this person who I allow myself to trust in such an intimate way....well, that he might take advantage of my weakness. How can anyone really trust anyone else? The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. How can I trust someone enough to let them control me?

I've fought my entire life. I've fought against everyone who has tried to hurt me. One time. That's all you get. You can hurt me once...but never, ever again. Why would I voluntarily put myself in a position to potentially be hurt?

I'm terrified of losing my control, of being hurt. At the same time, I'm intrigued by being submissive and what feelings it might stir in me. I just don't know how to begin. I can usually intellectualize every thought, every feeling that I have. But with this one, I just don't know where to begin.

Monday, August 21, 2006

What I want.......

I want you to kiss me.
I want to feel the warmth of your mouth on me.
I want you to touch me.
I want you to run your hands over my skin, to read me like braille, to see what stories my body has to tell you.
I want you to undress me.
I want to press my naked flesh into you.
I want to get down on my knees and stare up into your face.
I want to run my tongue along your inner thigh.
I want to caress your lower back as I rest my cheek right next to your cock.
I want to close my eyes.
I want to feel and savour every moment.
I want to be naked with you.
I want to spend hours in your arms.
I want to be ravished.
I want to be spanked.
I want to be kissed.
I want to be worshipped.
I want to explore every inch of you.
I want to make you scream my name.
I want to writhe and moan as you flick your tongue over my delicate folds of skin.
I want to spread my legs, just for you.
I want you to ask me to....

I am consumed by.......

I have a friend who is dedicated to life-long monogamy. He was a virgin when he married and plans to only have sex with this one woman for the rest of his life.

I admire his dedication.

I couldn't do it.

He openly admits that he enjoys living vicariously through me though, because he could never do what I do: have sex with people he wasn't married to.

He asked me the other day, how do you both NOT become consumed by jealousy?

I laughed. I don't know. We just don't. Or rather, we do, but we deal with it and own those feelings.

First of all, jealousy, like all other emotions, is a choice. You decide how you react to the feelings you have. You can confront your feelings of jealousy, recognize that how you feel is YOUR problem, not your partner's problem, and deal with it. Or, you can blame your partner's behaviour for "making" you feel bad. The thing is, not many people realize that NO ONE can MAKE YOU feel anything. You decide how you feel. You decide how you react to the feelings. You decide how to deal with them. So, when I feel a twinge or pang of jealousy, I have to take a good hard look at myself and figure out why. Do I not want him to have fun? Nope, that's not it. Do I not want him to have friends? Nope, that's not it either. Do I want to control his every movement? No, geez, no thanks. So what is it? Am I worried he'll leave? Maybe. Am I worried he'll enjoy sex with someone else more than he enjoys it with me? Maybe. Well there you go. No more jealousy. What's at the heart of the issue is fear, and once you can identify what the problem is, you can go ahead and fix it (or ask your partner for the reassurance you need to help you get through YOUR feelings).

Second, sex is not love and love is not sex. If my partner was in love with someone else, I'd have a pretty big issue with that. Sex is an activity. I don't want to marry the friend I go for coffee with because I had such a good time. He doesn't want to marry his tennis partner after an exhausting, challenging game. Sex is fun. We've worked hard on being able to separate sex from love. Sex is another form of play. I certainly don't have any desire to control what he plays or who he plays with. "Honey, am I allowed to play golf? Honey, am I allowed to play a board game? They're both fun activities to do with someone I'm not married to, so is that ok?" Yikes, no thanks. Sex is a fun activity. Sex is play. So, we allow each other to play.

Third, a huge part of this non-monogamy thing is relinquishing control. No, let me re-phrase that. A huge part of this non-monogamy thing is reliquishing the control that you THINK you have. No one has ultimate control over their spouse (I'm talking functional relationships here, not the psycho marriages that make headlines). Truth be told, you don't have control over any part of your partner. You might think that by insisting on monogamy, you have their sexuality under lock and key, but that's not the case. Think of how many people cheat. We have relinquished the fantasy of control and the desire to perpetuate that. Freedom is freedom. I want him to be free to live his life and enjoy himself. I want him to be free to make his own decisions. Yes, maybe he might find someone else. However, he could do that in a monogamous relationship just as easily as in a non-monogamous one. If it happens, well it happens. Again, relinquishing the fantasy of control.

So far it works. So far, the only feelings I am consumed by are lust and passion.....nothing wrong with that.

More thoughts on Non-Monogamy

I find it fascinating that despite the negative reaction (we don't confess to everyone and try to keep our private lives deep in the closet), being non-monogamous has been very, very fun. My husband and I have found that we've never been closer or more attentive to one another. We have never been LESS jealous of one another and never felt MORE secure in our relationship--probably because we talk all the time. We are more open and more honest about our feelings because we are constantly trying to ensure the other partner feels well loved and secure. Having an open relationship takes work. If anything, we work MUCH, MUCH harder on our marriage than we ever did when we were monogamous, because we don't have the luxury of putting our marriage on autopilot and just coasting along. We have also found that this whole experience has resulted in endless energy for terrific, enthusiastic sex. It's crazy. But for now, this lifestyle choice works like a hot damn, and so we run with it. Talking about encounters makes for some terrific foreplay and some wild sex. Truth be told, it's exceptionally liberating to finally realize that marriage tends to imply ownership of one's partner and to realize that it's okay to let go. Take the whole idea of "get your hands off of my wife. " This just kills me. The possessiveness that inundates the statement. So fellas, what do you do if "your" wife actually wants those other hands on her? Seriously, do you really thing you have any "right" to say she can't do it? Does she realy need your permission? And of course, this goes both ways in terms of women feeling possessive of "their" men. Allowing my partner his freedom in all it's shapes and forms, is the best way (at least for us) to demonstrate our respect each other as human beings. Now, not everyone can appreciate this thought process. It's cool if you can't see it. Doesn't matter. What matters is that it makes sense to us.

We have never been traditional people and so this is a logical progression to an unorthodox couple. Yes, I care about what people think of me (I do happen to be a human being) but ultimately, I care most about how I feel about myself and how my partner sees me. I care about being honest to myself and to him. That means total and complete honesty about everything. That's not easy, but I've often heard nothing worth doing is easy. This is something that evolved over a long period of time and with plenty of communciation. Groundrules and boundaries were laid. The basis is respect and honesty. Nope, it isn't for everyone and NOPE, most people can't wrap their socially programmed minds around the concept. That's ok.

It's funny though, because I always get asked what I'm missing in my relationship. What is lacking there for you to choose this? Who says anything is "lacking" if you want sex with others? This implies that wanting sex with others is somehow wrong and that your marriage must be imperfect for you to desire extra play partners. I certainly don't think something is wrong with my marriage if I want to go out for coffee with a girlfriend. I don't question my marriage when I want to go for a night out with the girls. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think our marriag is falling apart when he goes out to play hockey. This thinking (something must be wrong for you to desire contact with people you aren't married to is flawed. It implies that the only reason you desire extra-marital sex is because something is wrong with your marriage. Not necessarily true. "Wrong" is a relative term just like the term "normal" is. It's based on your personal definitions. Let's be honest here, sex is an activity. It has as much or as little meaning to it as you choose to attach to it. I choose to have with other people because I enjoy the activity. I've spent nearly two decades playing the same game with one partner. I'm up for a little variety. I'll be honest. He rocks my world, but I'm a tad bored. I want to know what another pair of hands feel like. I want to know if I've got what it takes to curl some other guys toes based on that thing I can do with my tongue. I mean seriously, when you play sports.....don't you like to play with other people and play different teams just to see how you measure up?

Thursday, August 17, 2006


mor·al (môr'əl, mŏr'-) pronunciation
  1. Of or concerned with the judgment of the goodness or badness of human action and character: moral scrutiny; a moral quandary.
  2. Teaching or exhibiting goodness or correctness of character and behavior: a moral lesson.
  3. Conforming to standards of what is right or just in behavior; virtuous: a moral life.
  4. Arising from conscience or the sense of right and wrong: a moral obligation.
  5. Having psychological rather than physical or tangible effects: a moral victory; moral support.
  6. Based on strong likelihood or firm conviction, rather than on the actual evidence: a moral certainty.

Interesting no?

Who decides what is moral? The majority? That stinks. I firmly believe in my choices. They are "moral" to me.



I get asked all the time....WHY? Why would you give up the stability of monogamy for the uncertainty of non-monogamy? Why would you deliberately choose this? Why would you allow it? What is wrong in your marriage to make you seek this change in lifestyle?

I met my husband when I was 17 and virgin. He was 21 and had one previous sexual experience (a one night event that occured in high school). We've been together for 18 yrs, married for 14 yrs, monogamous for every moment.

We're bound together without question--through experiences, through love, through everything. Honestly, I can't imagine anyone I'd rather spent my life with than him. From our discussions, the feeling is mutual. Neither one of us feel there is any risk of divorce, because of the magnitude of "stuff" we've been through together, well, it's solidified our relationship.

That being said, we are both happy, have a fulfilling and active sex life, but we are both BORED. We're far from "vanilla" and have a hell of a good time together, but lets face it, there are only so many positions and only so many variations. Two decades is a long time to make love to the same person. I have a hard time imagining that there is anyone out there who can be making love to the same person for 20 years and not suffer from periodic boredom....not suffer from the "I wonder"'s.

We both wonder what else there is to learn about pleasure and sex, intimacy and well ????? just what else is out there? If you want to learn a new language you can take a class. If you want to learn to drive, you can take a series of classes. Well, we want to learn more about sex and hey, guess what.....no classes! (At least not in our small town and it's surrounding areas)

Now, from my personal experience, coming from a broken home and seeing friends and family members get divorced after boredom (among other things) sets in.....divorce isn't the answer. We're in love, we enjoy each other's company, we're best friends AND we have great sex....we still want to be together. It's just that we want more in addition to what we have.

We want to respect each other as a Primary partner, but explore relationships with other people. Call it Swinging, Polyamoury or Responsible Non-Monogamy--essentially, we want to be free to fuck other people. Yes, this is supposedly socially "unacceptable" but if the decision is mutual....if we both agree and both want it....how is this NOT a superior choice to divorce? I mean, most people deal with this feeling by finding a new lover and marrying him or her (that's what my mom did). Seems like a waste of all the time we've invested in this relationship. I don't think that Serial Non-monogamy (marriage, divorce, re-marriage, divorce, etc) would work for me, I thrive on the stability and comfort of an ongoing love relationship.

I know that most don't understand WHY anybody would choose this, but I think that it's a better choice than divorce. It beats cheating, because it's all out in the open and it alleviates jealousy. You can maintain trust. Personally, I'd rather openly profess my desires and talk about them than sneak around.

I find it ironic, that non-monogamy is more acceptable if you're a guy. Or if you're single. Or that it isn't an issue if you have a threesome with your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend and a partner. It's insane, but it seems to be socially preferrable to be married and cheating/lying so that your partner is ignorant of your extra-curricular activities. This just doesn't add up to me. How can dishonesty and cheating be more acceptable than openness and honesty? Completely bizarre.

We have a strong and committed bond. We are open and honest and share with each other, but there isn't any one else to talk to. Because of the stigma attached, I never get to meet up with others who share the same feelings. It's not like it's an acceptable topic of conversation around the water cooler or at Sunday dinner with the family, unless you're gossiping about someone else.

We're not sluts. We don't sport fuck. We are exceptionally picky. We look for an intimate friendship to develop before anything else.

Why? Why would you choose this? Why not? Why would you allow it? Who says we have the right to deny our partner pleasure? What is wrong with your relationship that you seek others for sex? What's wrong with yours that you deny your partner his/her freedom in all aspects of life?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Leaving a Mark

I've always wanted to do something out of character, something daring. I've always been such a 'by the books' kind of person that I've wondered what it would be like to let my hair down and do something unexpected. I try very hard not to give in to my impulses, but maybe, just this once......

Thanks in large part to a mid-life crisis, I find myself sitting in a bright office, staring into the eyes of a person I will allow to stick needles into my skin and permanently mark me. How did I get here? Answer: years of controlled living. I guess I'm letting my hair down today. I'm getting a tattoo. I need my head examined. I am letting a stranger torture my skin and create something beautiful in an area I will never directly see. Yep, I need my head examined. Deep breaths, this is a choice. You want this, remember? I jump into the deep end with both feet.

He's different. Something about him draws me. His eyes, his voice, his skin--already covered with someone else's ink and art. I feel this connection, nearly imperceptible. It's definately sexual. It's a good thing I am going to have my back to him the entire time I'm here because I tend to wear my emotions very clearly on my face. I don't know that I could camoflage these deep seated feelings of lust. How can there be anything erotic or sexual about having a stranger poke you with sharp objects? But somehow, it's there. It's like an underlying tension. I can feel my own sexuality buzzing and humming under the surface of my skin. Can he feel it?

Everyday I walk through my life, I touch those around me, I mark them with my presense. Imagine leaving a more visible, permanent mark on those I touch. A literal mark. He interests me on many levels. I don't know him, I've never met him, but I am asking him to leave his mark on me. Everyone will see it and know that he had his hands on me. Everyone will see it and know that this stranger was touching me. I find this deeply sensous and erotic even though I know that the marks will be painful. I reveal my skin to him and he starts to touch me.

I brace myself. The feeling is more irritation than actual pain. However, whatever form it takes, it's a distraction. The sensation helps take my mind off of my thoughts. It takes my mind of the heat I feel building in the core of my self. It takes my mind off attempting to visualize the eyes I can feel penetrating my flesh in time with the pulse of the needles. It takes my mind off of my thoughts, at least until he speaks to me.

He tells me that tattooing a woman's lower back is nice way to spend his afternoon. My heart skips a beat. Is he flirting? Am I imagining it? I wonder if he can feel me smiling, because he can't see my face. What is he thinking as he stares at my virgin skin and paints me with color? My mind wanders. So far, all the outlines are black. So, I begin to associate the color black with stinging irritation and the flush in my cheeks. Sting and heat. Black feels like sting and heat.

I wonder, as we progress, what else he will make me feel......

I try to concentrate. I'm sitting on a cushioned chair, much like one you would find in a dentist's office. I'm using the back of the chair to lean on and brace myself. Not to sure if I am steadying my body so I don't move during the process of tattooing my skin, or if it's so that I can center my mind and focus on intelligent conversation. My thoughts are racing. Is it wrong that all I want him to do is bend me over the seat of this chair and ..... He tells me that he loves curves on a woman. Soft curves. He tells me that often, he goes home after tattooing a woman and admonishes himself for not enjoying it more. Damn. Why even bother to distract myself? Am I not here to do something completely out of character? I find myself uncharacteristically speechless. The very best I can accomplish in the way of a reply, is a silly giggle. Good lord. I think all the blood has rushed out of my brain. Will the rough whiskers of his facial hair feel coarse and harsh against the delicate skin of my clit? Stop that! Behave...a little. For now..... Are his hands rough or smooth? Hard to tell with the latex gloves. Mmmmm, latex... Damn. Well, if I was going for uncharacteristic behaviour, I'm doing a damn good job. I wonder if he would respond with an intake of breath, and a slight moan, if I ran my hot, wet tongue along his inner thigh? Mmmmmm....I love to do that. One long stroke with my tongue, followed by a few tiny bites. All of a sudden I realize that the irritating sting on my back, the vibrating throb of my skin, is very much the same feeling I have in my clit after one too many orgasms. Interesting....

I can't see his face.....but I can feel his eyes on me. Pouring over the surface of my skin. Of course he has to look. He's tattooing me for Christ's sake. But it's more than that. There's the hint of a caress. I feel his breath on my lower back. There's the cool spray of the water. It awakens my skin, my senses, brings my thoughts back around to my present situation and away from their meandering path toward debauchery. I want to lick his neck. Slowly. Run my tongue behind his ear. Warm his skin with my breath. I want to kiss the hollow of his throat. That delicate spot between your collarbones.... I want to see his reaction. I want to feel his reaction. I want to weave my hands into his hair. I want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me. I want his warm lips to touch me. I want to discover just where he'll put his hands if he has his way. Will he stroke my face or my hair? Will he caress my shoulders or run his fingers down my back? How much passion and lust is building between us? Is it my imagination? I want to turn around in this chair, look down into his eyes and then spread my legs.

Sex and (Non) Monogamy

One of the things I find the most trying to my finite patience, is finding someone to have a discreet and mutually satisfying sexual experience with. No wait. Let me be more specific. This "someone" is a man, NOT cheating on his partner.

What is it about society that forces us to embrace marriage and monogamy....frown upon, but accept marital infidelity....but positively shudder at the thought of a consentual, mutual choice to be non-monogamous?

My husband and I have made an informed decision. We has discussed the possibilities and weighed our options. We both feel strongly that we each be allowed to pursue our freedom in all aspects of our lives--including sex with other people.

Why do others feel so marvelously threatened by the fact that my husband and I enjoy being with other people and encourage each other to do so?

How come it is so difficult for monogamous couples to admit they'd like to have sex outside of marriage? It seems as though such an admission is like a confession of guilt and failure. Quite frankly, I found it very liberating.

Why is it that so many married women feel that my marriage is inferior to theirs because I choice to be non-monogamous? Interestingly enough, many feel they must surely love their husbands far MORE because they refuse to allow their partner freedom in all areas....

Why is possessing someone more desirable than setting them free?

It's quite easy to separate sex and golf, sex and reading, sex and painting. Why is it so difficult to separate sex and love? Sex is merely another activity to do with oneself, a partner......or many partners. Sex can have as much meaning and emotion attached to it as you choose to assign it.

These thoughts and social ideals continue to fascinate me as I continue on my wicked journey.

Mmmmmmm Debauchery....

Isn't this positively yummy......

(dĭ-bô'chə-rē) pronunciation
n., pl. -ies.
    1. Extreme indulgence in sensual pleasures; dissipation.
    2. debaucheries Orgies.
  1. Archaic. Seduction from morality, allegiance, or duty.

So here I am....

As much as I generally despise blogs.....I love the potential they offer for anonymous sharing and voyeuristic play.

I am a thirty-five year old woman. I have been married and monogamous for 18 yrs. However, I currently find myself on a journey, a descent, into a pool of discovery. I'm searching for an oasis of pleasure. The only perils are the delicious wickedness that threatens to bore a deep hole into my mundane existence.

Such a shame....